Nature
Saddleback Buddies
Saddleback Caterpillars in my garden.
Not sure what I want to say... if I want to say anything at all. I'm sad, derpessed, disgusted and I have a hard time getting the words out... have a hard time believing that the words matter anymore. As I said in my previous post, I feel that I've given up hope.
Rather than throw the blog away altogether, which is still something I'm considering, an alternative might be to turn it into a photo blog of sorts. I continue to post to Flickr so perhaps I'll start posting the best of those photos here once or twice a week. As with everything else these days, I'm not sure.
On giving up
I'm finding that I don't know how to feel. I'm depressed but really that's only part of my reaction. I feel numb. I want to hide. In fact, that is what I'm doing I suppose. I've come to the conclusion that all I can do is minimize my negative impact which means I don't go out much at all. I don't want to interact with people... we humans, at least those I know and have known in my life... we're selfish busy-bodies. MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE. We cannot be satisfied. We refuse to acknowledge the truth of our lives. We lie to ourselves and our children and our grand children. We humans are selfish, greedy liars.
I long ago made the decision not to have children. I cannot imagine bringing one into this world. Not only for the sake of the child, but also in terms of adding to the problem. In terms of ecology and planetary recovery we need about 4 billion fewer humans, not one more. Even better, I'd guess the planet would be best served by our extinction. If I believed in god that's what I'd pray for.
Of bees and flowers
Speaking of lawns, I've ordered a new non-gasoline 20" reel mower so that the gas mower can be retired. I should have done this three years ago when I returned to Missouri but I can, at the very least, say that I've been shrinking the lawn substantially and replacing it with natives. Thus far I've added around 30 native species and 90 plants which have since multiplied by many, particularly Butterfly Weed, Purple Coneflower, Orange Coneflower, and Columbine.
Winter Sunset
I should have a zoom lens at my front door tomorrow... much better for bird and critter photos!
Gray Tree Frogs and a beautiful rainy day
Today was a good day.Amazing moment number one came while we were down at the lake. I was caught in a thunderstorm and enjoyed a really nice walk in the rain. Had one of those moments.
Amazing moment number two came just minutes ago. I've been listening to the Gray Tree Frogs (Hyla versicolor) this evening and I have to say, I love it. They are going crazy this evening and I can't help but think there must be some mating going on because not only are they louder than normal but I'm hearing an entirely new sound from them. As if the evening of frog voices was not fantastic enough I finally broke down and went outside with a flashlight. I don't want to disrespect their space and process so I was trying to stay away and let them do their thing. I heard voices and saw that my mom and nephew Jake had gone out so I went ahead. Well, let me tell you, they are everywhere. Within just 5 minutes we discovered seven or eight. I know there are many more that we did not see! As we were coming back inside we stopped to look at one more and he jumped and landed on my ankle!
I love these little frogs!
To end the perfect night, as the frogs continue to sing the wind has picked up and a thunderstorm is rolling in.
About the picture: Gray Tree Frog, taken May 2004 sitting in the leaves of our Hosta. Want to know more about these cool little buddies of mine? Link 1, link 2.
Calm today
How sweet life can be… at least for some. This is the second morning I’ve woken up to the sounds of the ocean outside my window. While I am thoroughly enjoying vacation with my family I always have this voice in my mind the whispers to me about Iraq and various other nightmares that are real and which “my” country has created.
As I wrote the above something that my brother said to me last night came back. He seems to think that my writing here is too negative. I suppose that on a certain level that he’s right. I just did a quick read through and much of it is “negative”.
It’s not easy for me to be a happy person when there’s so much wrong in our world and my perception of the origin of many problems is the government of my native country. The joy that I experience is usually tainted by my awareness of the context of my life.
Saltwater spray
Oh my. It’s been more than 10 years since I’ve had a chance to swim in the ocean. Why did I wait so long? I’d forgotten just how amazing the ocean is. We arrived late this afternoon and have seven days of ocean ahead of us. To top it off, while I was trying (and failing) to use my away-from-home dialup number for bellsouth dsl, my brother calls out from across the room that he is already online! Turns out we have a high speed wireless connection in our condo! A very nice and unexpected surprise.
You know you are a geek when you are iChatting with your brother who’s sitting across the room from you.
Okay, I think it’s time for a walk down the beach.